I love zoos. Whenever I go abroad I check out the local zoo. I’ve been to all sorts of zoos around the world.

The zoo in Dalian, China had an enclosure that was simply labeled: CAT. It was small, and inside was a single cat, fast asleep. It was a normal cat. Stunned, I watched it for a while trying to figure out what the deal was, but no amount of study changed the fact that it was a regular brown striped cat. I didn’t have much else going on so I stood there looking into the enclosure for a while. It was curled up in a ball, and it never opened its eyes. It appeared to be sound asleep.

Why had I come all this way to China just to feel compelled to stare at a normal cat? I couldn’t wrap my head around it, but I think it was a good use of my time. Sure, you can find sleeping cats anywhere, but how often do you get to see one on display at the zoo? China is full of mystery, I thought to myself.

I got to have some fun with a bear at the zoo in Milan. It was a big black bear who was eating a leaf.

The wind had blown a big leaf into the enclosure as I stood watching, and the bear was munching away at it like it was some delicacy. I tore up another leaf and threw it down at the bear to see what would happen. The bear got up, shoved it in its mouth, and ate it. It was pretty cute.

Well, I had a bunch of free time that day (I usually don’t have much going on), so I spent the next 30 minutes throwing big leaves from a nearby tree down to the bear. Sometimes I get a hankering for a veggie salad so I think I have a pretty good idea of how the bear was feeling. The zoo was pretty empty, and almost no one else came by. I’m sure the bear would have loved more people feeling it leaves. Eh, maybe it would have been too much for his body to handle.

One of Kurt Vonnegut’s books is about a man who is abducted by aliens and put on display in an alien zoo. There’s a label on the enclosure (or should I say “glass-walled bedroom”) that says: EARTHLING. All the aliens come to look at him. Then they put a sexy woman in there with him as his “mate.” That’s probably why I sometimes think to myself that being put on display at a zoo just once wouldn’t be all that bad. How about you? You probably don’t think about stuff like that. I’m weird, huh?