Not to brag, but never once in my life has anyone admired me for being handsome. I’ve never found myself waiting for a train when I’m handed a note by a woman I don’t know telling me that she in love with me the moment she first looked upon my face. Nobody’s ever averted their eyes from me in disgust (at least not that I’m aware of), but I also haven’t been admired for my beauty.
But it’s not just me. Most of the people who who shape this imperfect, unpredictable world live their days in the shadows, in a place beyond where notions of “pretty” and “ugly” exist. Well, that’s how I imagine it sometimes. I could be wrong.
Sometimes my wife looks at herself in the mirror and mutters, “I wish I’d been born prettier,” (my mother used to do the same thing) but I’ve never wished that I’d been born more handsome. I don’t have a great memory, but I’m pretty sure.
My wife was shocked when I told her this. “You’re egotistical, you know that? What sort of person is so full of themselves?” But she’s wrong. I’m not without shame. I simply can’t remember I time when my appearance was inconvenient. That’s how I’m able to truthfully say, “I’m fine like this,” but I’m not at all the same as saying that I’m handsome. There’s a big difference.
I haven’t been fawned over by countless women during my life, but many have shown me affection and kindness, and I’m happy to say that some of them liked me enough that they dated me. So let me go back and revise what I said before. It seems to me that my looks aren’t the reason women like me. It’s a combination of how I think, my tastes, how I hold a conversation, and all those little elements that make up a person (plus a part of me wants to feel like my looks play a tiny role). It’s enough for people to be interested in me, if even just for a moment.
That conviction has, without a doubt, given me the encouragement I needed to make it this far in life, handsome or not. That’s how I can honestly say, “I have no trouble with the way I am. I don’t wish to become more handsome.”
Is that still egotistical? Yeah, probably. Sorry.